Friday, October 26, 2012

It's benign.

Two of the best words I have ever heard. This past week and a half has been the scariest time of my short 24 years on this earth. Last Tuesday I went to the doctor for my yearly check up and I told her about a lump I had felt in my breast. She decided I should go ahead and get an ultrasound...the ultrasound led to a biopsy...and a biopsy led to waiting. I had the biopsy a week after my first appointment and then had to wait until Friday, aka today, to find out the results...a benign fibroadenoma, common in women my age. My doctor had told me she was "pretty sure" it was nothing, the ultrasound radiologist told me she was "pretty confident" it was a fibroadenoma, and the biopsy radiologist told me it was "probably nothing". Well, all of those pretties and probablys are enough to make you think something is seriously wrong with you and you are going to die in 2 weeks. As Sam likes to point out, that is not logical thinking, but when you are faced with this situation logical thinking can tend to go out the window real quick. This has been a difficult time but I thank God for it because He has taught me things that I may not have learned otherwise, and I would like to share those things with you:

1) I cannot imagine living without a relationship with God. When I went for the ultrasound it was just me and the ultrasound technician in the room. As I watched her find what was clearly the lump and spend time taking pictures of it, I prayed to God to comfort me and to take away my tears. I knew I wasn't alone in that room, God was right by my side the whole time, holding my hand. While I was looking up at the ceiling praying, I couldn't help but wonder what a person that does not know God would be doing in this situation. Where would their comfort come from? Would they feel alone? What would they be thinking about? Would they be praying?

2) Thankfulness. A scare like that reminds you that you are mortal. It definitely made me thankful for everything God has blessed me with and reminded me to be content wherever I am. I tend to imagine exactly how I would like something to be and if it doesn't go exactly that way then I feel disappointed. I realized that when I plan things out like that I'm not allowing God's plan in my life, and His plans are better than anything I could imagine.

3)  "It's not supposed to be like this..." is a dangerous way of thinking. Those words kept popping into my head this past week..."I'm 24, I should not be getting a biopsy." But then I would think, "Why?". Why do I think I am entitled to having no problems in this world? We have no guarantees on this earth. God does not promise that we will get married, have kids, be wealthy, and live until we are 95...but He does promise that we can live with Him for eternity if we accept Him. This experience has taught me to trust God no matter what situation I am faced with because He is in control and because He loves me. I found comfort in James 1:2 "Consider it true joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

4) I need to share my burdens. I told my family about what was going on...well actually I told my mother and she told my family, but I didn't really share what was going on with anyone else. While I wanted people to pray for me, I did not want their sympathy or reactions, and I felt like the more people I told the bigger deal it was and the bigger deal it was the more worried I became. The great thing about the Christian community is that you can share your burdens with others and you know they will pray for you. So I apologize to those that I did not share this with. I'm sorry I did not let you share in my burden but I hope now that you can share in my joy!

I came across this verse last week and it has really helped me to get through this time:

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."
Isaiah 26:3-4

This is long, but I really wanted share what God has taught me through this. 

God is good!

Hannah Estelle

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. I love your perceptive on the situation.

    God is Good.

    All of the time.